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15th March, 2019

My Ranking Points

    amricaofcamelot posted an update in the group Fan Fiction 1 year, 5 months ago

    Constructive criticism for a lazy author?

    Chapter One: Excluded

    “Hi.” I turned around to see a girl with red curls, a freckled face and a happy expression. “Hi,” I replied. “Who are you?” The girl smiled. “I’m Cathy,” she said happily, “who are you?”
    “Akira,” I replied. Cathy’s eyes narrowed. “That Egyptian demigoddess?” she spat. I gulped. How did she know? “Y-Yes,” I murmured, looking down. Cathy flounced off to sit next to a blonde girl with blue eyes. She whispered into the blonde’s ear and the blonde’s eyes also narrowed. She sneered at me and I looked down at my lap. Why were they being so mean? I knew I was the daughter of Hathor, Egyptian Goddess of beauty, fertility and love but they didn’t even know me! And what was wrong with being a demigoddess anyway? It’s not like Mom did anything bad to this realm! I lived in the Egyptian realm of Divina, treated like a goddess (which I was) and acting like a… what was it? Dupid? Jupid? Cupid. Ah, yes. I acted like Cupid, making neutral friends fall in love, breaking and making relationships with a flick of my hand. And yes – I had been told I was beautiful by everyone; from the starving beggar to Ra himself. But I didn’t flaunt those compliments around! I didn’t get it so I walked up to a Professor.
    “Excuse me?” I asked. She turned to me. “Yes?” she said. “Are you Professor Dovey?”
    “Okay, good. Can I ask you a question?”
    Professor Dovey nodded.
    “Why am I being excluded? Is it because I’m an Egyptian demigoddess?” I asked.
    Professor Dovey bent forward. “You see, Akira, a long time ago, the School for Good and Evil had war with the Egyptian gods. And” – she hesitated – “the Egyptians won. So the School has always had bitter feelings to the citizens of Divina.”
    She straightened up. “But I’m sure you’ll find someone you like. I do.”
    So that was why.

        thecoven4ever replied 1 year, 5 months ago

        Oooh that’s good! Tag me. Maybe write longer chapters with some more detail next time? But otherwise, great!

          amricaofcamelot replied 1 year, 5 months ago

          Thanks, I was just doing a tester this time but thanks thanks thanks :)!

        lulujne1515 replied 1 year, 5 months ago

        I love this! Tag me!

        eloiseruizpalma replied 1 year, 5 months ago

        This is really cool! Tag me please!

        aloha101grl replied 1 year, 5 months ago

        this is really good! I read your second one first and was totally confused, but then I found this and it made sense. Plz tag me

        lovergirl replied 1 year, 5 months ago

        Th a me!

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