animecrazy888

Member Since

7th October, 2016

My Ranking Points

520
    animecrazy888 posted an update in the group RP Level 0: The Clearing 2 years, 11 months ago

    Hello! first time here, so here I go!
    Chapter 1, Away I go on a bony bird!: Melanie was hiding under her bed. She knew that the school master was going to take 2 children that night. She knew because her best friend Tiffany was taken last time. She heard her windowsill rattle. She held her breath, knowing that if she made any sound, she would get taken. And that was when a hand grabbed her and hoisted her onto a bony bird-like creature. “I knew it.I KNEW IT! HEEELP!!” she screamed as the bird flew into the forest. It dropped her into a moat. When she opened her eyes, she saw a plaque on the wall that read “Tiffany Willows:FAILED” “No…” Melanie whispered as tears filled her eyes. Then a voice said “Welcome to the school for evil”

        itsmejazzy replied 2 years, 11 months ago

        Great start! Just one thing you could improve on.
        It was a bit short and seemed to move past things very quickly. You didn’t really elaborate on things and there was a lack of detail.
        Besides that, awesome first chapter! 🙂

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