The Witch of Woods Beyond Visits the Theater
(Sophie and Hort approach the movie theater ticket place together)
Sophie: I would like two tickets for The School for Good and Evil, Mr. Ticket Producer. Oh, and tickets for the movie, not the school. *whispers to Hort* Do they sell Flowerground tickets here…?
Ticket Guy: *looks between them, puzzled* …
Sophie: … What are you doing, plebeian. Produce the tickets.
Ticket Guy: *gives them tickets*
Sophie: *takes ticket* Gratitude.
Ticket Guy: …
Sophie: Have a fabulous day, darling. *struts away*
Hort: *goes with her, poking at his ticket* **** color. They should make em white and–
Sophie and Hort: –dark purple. *look at each other*
Sophie: For the two school colors.
Sophie: What are we doing, let’s go watch ourselves
Hort: *snickers* Yeah.
Sophie: … tehe
Hort: Oh look, there’s the sign *points to sign above theater door*
Sign: The School for Good and Evil. 6:00 PM.
Sophie: *squeal* Hoorah, that’s us, darling! *struts forward* Wonderful eye there, Hort.
(Sophie and Hort approach booth outside theater door)
Worker: *holds out his hand for their tickets*
Sophie: … ummm *eyes the guy’s hand*
Hort: *raises eyebrow*
Worker: … your tickets?
Sophie: Oh for Evil’s sake *throws hands up in exasperation* Have you worked here for so long that you’ve succumbed to the wrath of monotonous tasks, reduced yourself to simply offering your grubby hand without words, without explaining the simple two-word phrase that states what your intention is? You merely extend that limp hand in a silent fashion that you seem to think asks, “Your tickets?”
Worker: *dead silent, wide-eyed*
Hort: *purses lips, wide-eyed* *tries not to smile*
Worker: Sorry ma’am, I just work here–
Sophie: Excuse me?! I am no “mA’aM,” innocent soul, I am a WITCH– THE witch– THE Grand High Witch ULTIM–
Hort: *chucks tickets at the guy and leads Sophie into the theater*
Sophie: –THE Witch of Woods BEYOND– The DEAN of EVIL–
Everyone in the Theater: *looks at her*
Sophie: *looks at them* … Oh, get over yourselves.
Hort: Can we sit in the front row
Sophie: Our tickets said Row F.
Hort: Can we sit in the front row
Sophie: Of course, how would we even SEE if we were in ROW F?
(Sophie and Hort sit in the front row, confusing the people who were supposed to get the front row)
Hort: *craning his neck all the way up to see the screen* Shoot, this seat stinks like stymph droppings
Sophie: Like Japeth’s snake droppings
Hort: Like Tedros
Sophie: Like Beatrix’s bunny’s droppings
Hort: Like being a History professor
Sophie: Like Aggie’s clumps
Hort: Like RAFAL
Sophie: Now THAT is a proper simile. Let’s move to Row F.
(Sophie and Hort move to Row F.)
Sophie: Goodness, how long are these cursed previews going to endure? If I see one more popcorn lady ordering me to silence my sell fone I’m going to scream–
Hort: Pfff you wouldn’t witch scream in here
Sophie: wanna bet
Hort: it was a joke
Hort: Ya know, cuz u totally would do that
Sophie: GASP!!! *whispers loudly* HORT ITS STARTING
Hort: *shoves popcorn in his face and reclines his chair wayyy back* THEY BETTER HAVE GOT MY EYEBROWS RIGHT
Sophie: SHHHHHHH URSELVES
Hort: *whispers with a smirk beneath his popcorn* you guys stink like Rafal
Sophie: *snickers uncontrollably*
(Sophie actor appears onscreen)
Sophie: *WITCH SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAM*
Everyone: *freaks out*
Hort: *shakes head in disappointment* cmon lets get outta this dump
Sophie: too right, Hort. Too right. Let us go. *struts out with Hort* That actress wasn’t gorgeous enough at ALL. Disgust.
Subscribe for exclusive updates about Soman’s newest projects, the SGE movie, and more!