My Ranking Points
Ethan P.O.V 1
I live in The Enchanted Seas where kids get their dreams and where water falls into deep oceans below us. It is in the air. Everyone speaks Eshspa. Kids are happy. I live there it is peaceful.
My dad wanted me to raise money so I did. I sold cheese cutters, perfect paper air planes, homemade hats even! Everything worked fine even though it was all homemade. My mom said I’m good at making homemade stuff. She was right, I am good. I got a total of $34, that’s a lot! I smiled.
My mom and dad signed me up for The School for Good and Evil. I was shocked. “Would I see my parents again?” I thought. I gave my mom the $34.
“Wow! $34!” exclaimed my mom. “That’s a lot of money!” I smiled. I was proud to be me.
Then it became 8:23. My mom told me it’s time for bed. As she tucked me in bed, I told her good night.
“Tomorrow is your first day of school!” my mom said happily.
The next morning
My mom woke me up at 6:25 in the morning. I yawned as I trudged into the kitchen. When I got inside the kitchen, my mom put out some milk.
“Drink up” she said cheerfully. My mom is so nice. When I finished I told her thanks. “You’re welcome Ethan, get dressed please” asked mom.
When I finished getting dressed I went off to school.
“Goodbye!” I said to mom and dad. I took the Enchanted Portal made out of gold and diamonds.
When I got down I saw the woods. As I headed in I saw the school. It was ginormous! I couldn’t see the top. I walked in, my stomach twisting into a knot with nervousness. Eventually, I got to my room.
“I hope I’m not late” I thought.
Then, I twisted the handle on the door, and entered the room.
To be continued……
For all of you who don’t know, this is my bro, and yes, he has made a bio, yes he understands the story, yes he has roommates. If you really want to confirm it, @alex ‘s character Aspen is rooming with him.
Nice POV for your first! I believe you’re supposed to put a comma after the dialogue (before the quote marks like “I can’t believe it,” she said) if you’re not using ?, !, etc.
Otherwise, you’re doing well 🙂
This is nice 1st POV. 🙂
I would only suggest maybe editing a bit more. You are missing commas in some places.
* heyyyy just notifying you guys that I changed Aspen’s name to Adanis, thanks!