My Ranking Points
Thunder sounded in the background, lightning struck the ground. All that can be seen is a small, red and white tent and a cart nextdoor.
Inside the tent, a girl read a book and ignored any sounds around her. Without noticing it, a boy creeped into the tent and tiptoed across the floor. The girl’s ears pricked up and turned towards the boy, but settled when he stopped moving. The boy breathed a sigh of relief: the biggest mistake he had made ever.
Quietly, the girl whispered something to her pocket and a mouse wiggled out, happy to not be in such a confined space any more, and trotted over to the boy, his chubby belly wobbling as he moved.
The girl giggled and the boy looked at her weirdly.
He mouthed something and squealed, understanding why the girl had giggled. She giggled again, until the giggle turned to a laugh and finally to rolling on the floor violently. The boy rolled his eyes, stepped into the shadows, and leaned against the wall of the tent. Suddenly, the whole tent collapsed and he screamed while the girl laughed even more until she could hardly breath. The mouse retreated to his owner squeaked in glee.
“Well done,” said the boy sarcastically stepping into the light of the moon.
The girl instantly stopped her fun, and his from the boy.
He looked at her weirdly again, “I’m safe, okay!” he whispered into her ear, putting his hands in the air to show he surrenders.
“Hi……?” the girl waited for his answer.
“Ash. The name’s Ash.”
“Hi Ash. I’m….” she hesitated, “Phoebe. But you can call me Beebs!”
Nice, I like it
But if you don’t mind feedback I’d recommend waiting a little bit before the strangers tell each other their nicknames, other wise good