donutqueen11

Member Since

25th July, 2015

My Ranking Points

15160
    donutqueen11 posted an update 7 months, 3 weeks ago

    @Thecoven4ever, @Teaandcooki, @Outdoorpoet, @Prstncharlie, @Stargalaxy9000, @Thesgeturtle, @Why-wont-you-work-for-me, @Queenagathaprofessersophie, @Pinkeleora08, @Boomboompancakes, @Pugsforever, @Cocostar, @Annemarie2009, @Takan and @Raynaevil809.

    I have something very different for you guys. I know it’s been forever since I’ve given you something that wasn’t related to ‘The Phénix Chronicles’. I came across this abandoned manuscript for a musical which I tried to write last year, and I wanted to see if it’d work better as a novel. Of course, it’s only a mere concept, an ✨aesthetic.✨ But I thought, given how long this trilogy is taking to write, that I’d give you something else to spice it up a bit. So here is my flash fiction titled: ‘The Cloaked One’. ❤️
    ‘Stop, thief!’ the bread-keeper yelled as I ran through the market, bread clutched to my chest; too scared for my life to notice how robotic the voice sounded.
    As I ran, I looked around me, and all of the people were the same. They bustled in neat lines, talked in perfect dialect, and were all wearing the same, pale white clothes.
    Crash.
    I collided with a marketgoer, and had disturbed their line like a row of dominos. I got quickly to my feet and bolted down the nearest alleyway, where I was dragged down behind a dumpster.
    ‘Shh.’ The person put a gentle hand over my mouth. ‘Don’t let them hear you.’

    I heard the people quickly resume their shopping, as if I’d never been there at all.
    ‘What—What were they?’ I whispered, ‘And why aren’t you like them?’
    ‘They are what are called the ‘Perfects’. Long ago, a man wanted to control everyone to do his bidding, but his magic could only control their bodies; their minds left untouched. Everyone here is believed to be the effect of his spell. But the one who they truly wanted control over, is She. I’ve never seen her, no one has. Legend has it that she couldn’t be turned, her magic had surpassed even His.’
    ‘Where is this magician now?’ I asked.
    ‘Dead.’
    ‘So then why didn’t the spell break when he died?’
    ‘No one knows—’
    ‘Found you,’ The bread-keeper smiled, their eyes glassy with a lack of emotion.
    He grabbed me by the collar and dragged me to the stocks, the person who’d hidden me screamed for him to let me go.
    ‘Stay out of the way, girl,’ He spat at her, a flicker of sadness in his expression as he kicked her to the ground and locked me in the stocks.
    ‘This is ridiculous!’ I yelled. ‘I only stole a loaf of bread!’
    ‘Oh no,’ The man grimaced. ‘You did more than that.’
    Eyes glowing black, he blasted the stocks, the lightning from his fingers stopping my heart.
    . . .
    I wake up in a cottage, cold compress to my face, and a faint burning in my chest.
    ‘What—’ I coughed. ‘Where am I?’
    ‘The bread-keeper killed you. The Magician made him. He couldn’t have an Imperfect here,’ The girl said.
    ‘So then why am I here?’
    ‘It was only for a moment. I was able to restart your heart quite easily,’ she said, dabbing my forehead. ‘You worked up quite the fever. There’s no chance you’re leaving now.’
    ‘But—’
    ‘I know what’s beyond here. It’s baron and poor. That’s why you left.’
    ‘What’s your name?’ My voice was hoarse, the words coming out in a mere croak.
    ‘Cass,’ she smiled, eyes sad.
    ‘That girl—’ I coughed. ‘The one you were talking about—’
    ‘Yes. That was me.’

    I hope you enjoyed that as much as I did. 😂 I made a lot of changes from the original musical concept and the excerpt, and even though none of you have actually read it, I hope you could still get a good laugh out of it. ❤️

    ~ Lilith

        outdoorpoet replied 7 months, 3 weeks ago

        THIS SI AMAZING AHHHHHHHHHH

          donutqueen11 replied 7 months, 3 weeks ago

          Thank you so much, @Outdoorpoet! ❤️

        pugsforever replied 7 months, 3 weeks ago

        welp my future as a journalist is doomed when there’s writers like this-

          donutqueen11 replied 7 months, 3 weeks ago

          Hey, now! I’m sure you’re a brilliant writer, @Pugsforever! I’ve just had a lot of practice. ❤️

        thesgeturtle replied 6 months, 4 weeks ago

        Great. So you write (used to write) musicals as well. Is there anything you cannot do?

        The chase is incredibly well written (which I of course expected nothing less coming from you).

          donutqueen11 replied 6 months, 4 weeks ago

          Ha ha. No. It was a one off for a school project. I tried to write the songs myself, and failed spectacularly. I then compromised by taking the instrumental of an existing song and wrote different lyrics to suit the scene. There are many things I cannot do, @Thesgeturtle. Many, many things.😂 Thank you so much! I hope to pick up this idea again soon after ‘The Phénix Chronicles’ are completed, and I may end up trying to get this story published first, so that I don’t give away my best work straight off the bat. ❤️

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