My Ranking Points
Okay guys, this is my very first story… thing… I uh don’t know what to call it… Anyway, this is just a story that I attempted to make with my character. HUGE shout out to @iceflower322 and @iceprinces for letting me use their characters! This chapter is kind of an experiment, I need your critiques and advice! So here we go:
Elizabeth didn’t want to be a flower. She wasn’t fond of feeling like she was being pulled through dirt. Yet she continued to “grow”. Once she was on solid ground (and had checked to make sure all of her limbs were still intact), she took a look at her surroundings. Beautiful girls were popping out of the ground all around her. They reminded her of flowers as well. She would have been amazed by this, except that she had just done the same. Elizabeth turned and gasped. The School for Good. Her mother, Queen Belle, had told her about the school many times, but none of her stories did it justice. The sparkling blue and pink castle towered over her. It was absolutely stunning. Elizabeth’s thoughts were interrupted by a fairy that was trying to brush the dirt off of her yellow dress. Elizabeth didn’t really care for the color yellow, but her mother had insisted that she wear it. Elizabeth clutched her small suitcase as she felt two fairies wrap their arms around her and carry her towards the glittering castle. After being dropped off inside the castle, Elizabeth turned in a full circle, trying to see everything at once. It’s just like a castle from a book! She thought. Look at the glass staircases and the sculptures, and– Once again, Elizabeth’s thoughts were interrupted. This time by a nymph with green hair. The nymph smiled and handed her a piece of paper with her name on it. Elizabeth glanced at her new schedule. She groaned when she saw classes such as: “Beautification”, and “Princess Etiquette”. She didn’t understand why girls would want to waste their time on something as superficial as “good looks”. A pink haired nymph handed her a basket full of books, and another handed Elizabeth her uniform. Elizabeth cringed, she despised the color pink. She carried all of her things up the staircase that led to the third floor of Charity tower. The door to room 33 had a welcome sign for Elizabeth and two other girls. Elizabeth took a deep breath, opened the door, and walked in. One of the girls was already there. She sat on one of the beds, folding her clothes. The girl was already wearing her school uniform,(which looked beautiful up against her caramel colored skin), and her chestnut brown hair was pulled into a ponytail. Elizabeth cleared her throat.
“Uh…. My name’s Elizabeth.” she said, attempting to start a conversation.
“Call me Addie” she replied, without looking up from her task. Elizabeth stood there awkwardly for a moment, until she decided to set her things down on one of the beds. When she turned, she noticed something on Addie’s bed that she hadn’t noticed before. It was a tiny robin.
“That’s a beautiful robin.” Elizabeth said. “Is it yours?” This time, Addie did look up. Elizabeth noticed that she had piercing blue eyes.
“Yes. This is my pet, Song.” Addie said, gesturing to the bird.
“Where did you get it?”
“I found her in the woods. She was hurt, so I took her in.I fed her, and protected her until she was healed. I tried to release her into the wild, but she didn’t want to leave. She’s been my pet ever since.”
“Wow. May I hold her?” Elizabeth asked. Addie smiled.
“Sure.” Elizabeth picked up the tiny bird, and set her on one of her fingers. What a cute little robin, Elizabeth thought. I wonder where–
“WATCH OUT!!!” a voice yelled. Song got scared and flew back to her owner. Elizabeth wasn’t as lucky. A girl slammed into Elizabeth causing her to collapse onto the hard ground. Dazed, Elizabeth sat up and tried to see who had hit her. The girl sitting in front of her had long white/blond hair that looked as if it had just been through a tornado. Her eyes were blue, but they were a shade lighter than Addie’s, and reminded Elizabeth of the sky.
“Sorry about that.” the newcomer apologized, grinning sheepishly. “I haven’t really figured out how to land properly.”
“It’s fine.” Elizabeth replied, still too dazed to realize that this girl could fly.
“You must be our roommate.” said Addie, just now recovering from her shock.
“Yes! I think… this is room 33 right?”
“Yes.” Elizabeth answered.
“Great! Well my name is Sky!” Of coarse her name is Sky, Elizabeth thought.
“Addie.” said Addie.
“Elizabeth” said Elizabeth. Just then, a falcon flew into the room and landed on Sky’s head.
“Dashy!” shouted Sky. “Iv’e been looking all over for you!” Addie and Elizabeth exchanged looks.
“Um… your bird is named…. Dashy?” Elizabeth asked.
“No. That’s ridiculous. Dashy is his nickname. His real name is Dash.” Dash (or Dashy…whatever..) soon got tired of sitting on his owners head, and decided to go after Song. Soon the two birds were flying around the room, chasing each other. Their owners ran around wildly, trying to stop the birds.
“This is going to be a very interesting year.” Elizabeth muttered.
So that’s it! PLEASE LEAVE CRITIQUES!!! Thanks for reading!
This is great! I love it. I can’t wait for the next chapter 😀
Really good job. There were only a few grammatical errors.
Anyway really good job!
OMG THIS IS AMAZING!!!! Can’t wait for the next chapter (include a boy)
Omg, Dashy! I love that!
Anyway, great beginning of your story. I can see you know your basic grammar! I am really excited to see your next chapter.
SEEEEEEEE!! @sparrow!!! SEE LIKES YOUR CRAZY WEIRD NICKNAME!!!! 😆