NBWeek Day 2: Coming to Terms
@itzmoviestar (Movie Star/Connie)
Hey, everyone! It’s Day 2 of the first annual NBWeek, with the theme “Coming to Terms”! The prompt of the day is:
“This day is for coming out stories and how you realised you were nonbinary.”
There’s a link to a doc with coming out resources on the main doc. I don’t have any links yet, but I’ll be adding to it throughout the day, and I encourage as many people to add links/resources as possible!
The panel for today is @ivypool2005 (me), @flowerground6, @carrot123, and @skyeoffoxforest. Feel free to ask us questions about coming out, figuring out your identity, or anything else along those lines!
question! did you ever take a moment to just sit down and question your gender? im just wondering how you figured it out, did you just think about it little by little or have bigger moments when you just thought about for long periods of time? did something happen at a certain point that ultimately made you question your identity?
Thanks for the question! I don’t know if this is what you’re asking for, but I did have periods of a few hours where I’d look something up and get deep into the gender rabbit hole online. Those periods were pretty helpful. For me, questioning my gender was a pretty constant thing, since a lot of my dysphoria is social (or it used to be? not sure anymore), so whenever I was out in public, I’d be thinking about it to some extent.
Oh, and to answer your final question: there wasn’t a single moment when I started questioning my identity, but I do remember the first time I consciously thought about it. Not gonna go into that, but it was a body-related thing my mom said.
Good question— personally, although I go to a very LGBTQIAP+ accepting school, I didn’t meet a non-binary or transgender people (or practically know they existed) until a few years ago. Hearing the stories of some non-binary people I met really made me realize something about the strange feeling I had when everyone referred to me as only female… and my feelings were validated by these other people. I’ve been questioning my gender since then, but only started asking people to use she/her AND they/them pronouns for me recently. It’s always been an unconscious part of my life that I learned to ignore, and I was finally able to recognize it.
Pronouns, I still haven’t, but I do have something that at least isn’t bad: they/them. I had to go through a long period of he/him before I realized that wasn’t right. 2/10, would not recommend. One resource that’s really helpful is the Pronoun Dressing Room (http://www.pronouns.failedslacker.com/), where you can try on different pronouns. In general, trying things out is the best option, just don’t do what I did and go all out before you’re ready 🙂
I found the label fluidflux during an internet rabbit hole of gender identities, and I was like “oh cr*p, that’s me.” And that was how I found that. Something more interesting is a realization I’ve had recently, that I prefer the label genderqueer over nonbinary. I’m still probably going to keep using nonbinary for social/family reasons, but it’s interesting to think about. Once again, the best way to figure these things out is to try on different words and see if they fit.
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