My Ranking Points
I know I haven’t spoken much and there are questions for me, but I’m not quite sure whether I’m ready to fully return. I’d to have a talk just between the two of us, and explain.
First of all, did I leave? Not entirely. I still conversed with Spirit, while contemplating what to decide, and read the comments on mine, yours, and Twig’s posts.
Why did I was this done? Although I missed the Ever Never Army, there was a query that I had for quite a while, since last April, to be exact; what if I chose to leave? Now the simple, direct answer is, I would be missed. However, a simple response like that wasn’t enough. I wanted more; I wanted to experience it.
So as you read this post, I have one request: please don’t tell the Army about that I said anything. I’d like everyone to know when I’m ready because there’s a chance I might not come back.
I chose to write my goodbye that way as an alternative to the other idea I had, which I’m not sure I could find the words for, nor would the tone be right, with this essentially being an experiment. Or if I asked what the Army thinks of me, there was no way to know if their responses were honest.
There’s many times where I have almost ended up leaving for good, but I just kept trying to stay, and that helped form the question.
The wait was fine, don’t worry about it. I wish I could describe you, I don’t know what to say.
At school, I often come off as anti-social, I don’t mean to. I just haven’t had very many friends for a long time, and I’m an introvert. However, when the classmates that sit next to me saw sketches I had drawn, they were certainly surprised by my strangeness, yet they liked it. Some of them have said, ‘How did you get so smart?’ I couldn’t tell them. I have been complimented on my intelligence so many times. It’s true that I am a Ravenclaw.
I hope that I don’t sound conceited, I at times do.
One boy in third-grade thought I was “unfriendly, creepy, and weird-because only boys are supposed to like ninjas”
Is it strange that, although I have only had crushes on boys, I’m more likely to call a girl beautiful than a boy handsome?
Well, as you likely already know, there’s definitely a difference between aesthetic attraction and romantic attraction. Do you admire someone but not imagine going out with them? That’s aesthetic (this and *** attraction aren’t necessarily the same). Or do you want to go out with someone but not do ****** things with them? That’s romantic.
In my art class, we were assigned to replicate a picture in oil pastels. Unknowingly, two other students had chosen the same image. Both of theirs looks fairly the same, dark purple lavender with light and dark brown trees. the trees in mine were black with silver bark detailing and the lavender was various shades of purple, green, and blue. Both shadowy and vibrant leaves grew from spindly-looking branches.
In the charcoal portrait I drew, the girl doesn’t look perfect. Although she has scars on her face, her hair is slightly messy, and her lips look a little dry, her eyes are amazing. Unlike the other portraits, they’re filled with life and are so expressive. She’s not pure innocence, but the warmth remains.
The general outline, to get the proportions right, was based from a picture, but the scars addition and lips and eyes changes were my own idea.
The changes seem to actually enhance her beauty, rather than take away from it.
I’ve been sketching aliens. The character designs are simple, just a few lines, but the range of emotions from every one is stunning. In the past week, I’ve drawn countless.
First I start with one character. Then I explore just how many different expressions I can imagine for them, using different angles, afterwards capturing the small variances and in-betweens. I might draw around twenty for one creature
I’ve drawn ‘edgy’ ones, with short, choppy dark hair sometimes masking their eyes
It was sort of light-hearted, but this the same person who, on a day I had hardly slept, said, ‘You look mentally unstable’.
Sometimes when I’m really tired I sometimes space out for moments here and there, and the dry humor comes out
An exchange between my tablemates one day:
‘Can I borrow a pen?’
[Pen is passed across the table]
‘Does this have ink in it?’
Me: ‘No, because he replaced the ink with prune juice when nobody was looking.’
[A moment of silence before the three of them begin to laugh]
It seems cruel for one’s eyes to be so beautiful if they can hardly see with them
Sometimes my eyes are grayish blue, other times blue mixed with green, or I might see an amber ring around the pupil
My eyelashes are long and black, but I’ve had bluish shadows around my eyes since I was eight.
I don’t have freckles. Though I have been complimented on my pale skin and the rosiness in my cheeks, I’m covered in scars (though for the last part I’ve only myself to blame).
“..You’d actually be quite pretty if it weren’t for those scratches…” “…. You’ve ruined your beautiful face with the scarring…” At times remarks like that still sting.
Think of Harry Potter! He had a scar on his forehead because he survived a killing curse from Voldemort.
*Darkfire and Kittywolf stare at me*
*i look at my feet*
Uh, sorry. Ha ha. I wasn’t supposed to **** in, was I? Um, am I allowed to join? I can leave if you guys want…
But I gave myself those scars. I had to wash blood off my hands. I had to bear the pain again and again. What good came out of it?
Once I intentionally pricked my fingers on thorns from roses…. don’t ask why
One time I discovered my wrist was bleeding and I didn’t know it was or felt anything. His exact words were, ‘Who would slit their wrists for fun?’
Like I made myself bleed almost every day for the fun of it- right.
That’s why people endure all the schist they have to go through-it’s fun!
Or where a anti- women’s healthcare person isn’t put in charge of women’s healthcare? That’s a shock…
Word of advice: Even if you get in trouble for it, throwing things at people you hate more than anything feels a jillion billion times better than trying to ignore them and get your anger out by cutting paper.
That’s happened to me before.
I have a confession to make. Sometimes I still scratch myself. Although I know what I said, it’s difficult to not every now and then claw my skin to ****** shreds
They’re not infected. Of course the obvious answer is, ‘Here’s something new to try: HOW ABOUT YOU QUIT DOING IT.’
‘You’ve come past it now, you’re a stronger person for it now.’
The truth is a little messier than that…
If it’s too much, let me know. I simply want the truth. That’s very caring of you; I just needed someone to talk to who’d understand.
Either I’m only repeatedly told to stop, and people imply that my scars are ****, or is simply brushed over: ‘Don’t worry, we all go through that phase.’
Once when I was five or six, instead of playing with the four other kids at the playdate I spent hours alone in the bathroom, chatting with my reflection.
In role playing, I’d be the second-in-command, who could stand in for the captain
Star Trek, pirates, ninjas… If there was a leader, I’d rank just below them
I’ll be extremely lucky if I ever end up with a boyfriend. Not only will he go through my thorough interrogation process, but also my family’s
2? No they’d have to go through several *separate* interrogations
This is what our conversation reminded me of:
I don’t have a first love or ex, but I have turned many down.
People at school kept trying to ship me, even though I’m clearly not interested.
Three classmates had a friend battle as to which is worthy to partner with me for archery:
1: [sticks out a hand for me to shake]: ‘Come on. We work so great together.’
2: [tries putting an arm around my shoulders]: ‘But I was her first friend.’
3: [quietly]: ‘The two of us talk almost every day. I’m pretty sure we know each other better than you two do.’
1. 2 I felt like was trying to say she owned me, and I wanted to give 1 a chance.
3 is the one that I’ve talked with the most, but we only do so or partner a couple times a week, giving each other space (does that make sense?)
A) I’ve never talked with myself in the mirror, but I talk with Berry a lot–sometimes telepathically, sometimes out loud. We especially like talking out loud. Berry likes the acknowledgement of being talked to out loud just like a non-imaginary person, and I can’t help finding delight in people staring at me like I’m crazy. I’m not sure why that is.
B) I’ve never had any personal experience with romance. Most romance just grosses me out. I can’t help gagging loudly if people kiss in a movie, groaning and/or rolling my eyes when crushes come up in a book or TV show. So I hope that never ends up being part of my life.
You may wonder how I managed to stand SGE since there is a lot of romance in it. Well, that’s not the thing I like most about it. I’m still indifferent about most of the “ships.” But there was plenty of other stuff in SGE—humor, magic, awesome characters, epic battles, more than enough to keep me reading.
Not only are kids wanting to help build the Lego guillotine, some want to test it, as in see if it works. On them.
At a Legoland Discovery, there’s a 4D theater. When there’s water onscreen you feel the droplets
If you’re watching ***** Wonka and the Chocolate Factory you might smell the candy. 4D and 5D, as I’ve noticed, are used interchangeably for motion (involving the seats) and sensory effects. 6D and 7D might just be marketing gimmicks.
*looks at the words 7D*
Hi **, here we go now
Hi **, go with the flow now
Hi **, say hello no
Time for the 7D
Happy’s songs are always sunny
Sneezy’s nose is always runny
Dopey’s gags are always funny
Hi ** for the 7D
Bashful’s shy and Doc is bright
Sleepy snoozes day and night
Grumpy’s wound a bit too tight
Hi ** for the 7D
Hi **, yip-yip-ya-lo now
Hi **, hey hidey ** now
Hi **, here comes the show now
Time for the 7D
Make way for the 7D
It’s the theme song from the 7D, a very entertaining cartoon on DisneyXD.
Entertaining for me, that is, I’m not completely sure if you guys would agree.
A circular one had you in vibrating seats, blood splattered on you, and the warm breaths of the creature you could not see
A warning outside the attraction’s entrance alerted guests that it was intense and not intended for children under the age of 12, despite however its height requirement is 48″ designed for guests.
It opened briefly for previews on December 16, 1994, on the site of the former Mission to Mars attraction, but was ordered closed on January 12, 1995 for retooling by then-Disney CEO Michael Eisner who deemed it was not intense enough. It opened officially on June 20, 1995 as part of the Magic Kingdom’s New Tomorrowland.
*If that’s ancient, then what do you call things far older*
Sorry about that. Tone and the way words would be said is a bit hard to read
For example, in The Real Ghostbusters, depending on the delivery Peter Venkman’s lines can actually be funny and clever quips, but said another way he doesn’t seem to understand his jokes
Some do a serviceable job but they just don’t sound much like how we’d imagine the character would. Garfield’s an example here.
That, too. Sometimes they have the right person, but they don’t use the character in the right places or actually give them good lines to say
Somehow the Cat in the Hat became what you don’t want to see in the mirror in the middle of the night
*closes the mirrored door of a cupboard while seeing the Cat in the reflection, standing in the doorway*
*The Cat is gone*
*Is about to bite an apple, but it’s suddenly the Cat’s grinning head*
*Drops it and is an ordinary piece of fruit once again*
*Pauses film and steps out of the room*
*Returns to see the Cat on the screen*
*Rewinds and the Cat isn’t seen afterwards*
*closes eyes but the Cat’s still there, as if engraved behind eyelids*
*No matter the distance, the Cat laughs inside the mind, eternally echoing*
*sees if there’s labels on the bottle*
What do you hope the results of this might be?
*Somewhere on a list of side effects*
‘If you suffer from these symptoms, contact your doctor.’
Are they accustomed to beyond the grave communication?
Perhaps after one has crossed over their former ailment isn’t nearly as concerning
I haven’t seen the movie of the Cat in the Hat. I’m thinking I really shouldn’t, huh?
I do love Seussical the Musical, though.
I reeeeally wish me and the rest of the cast from camp this past summer could perform it one more time…even if it wasn’t very fun rehearsing, it was LOTS of fun actually doing it…
The girl playing the Cat in the Hat cracked me up a LOT with her performance…
Not unless you want to see a version that shouldn’t be associated with the book in any way
That version could venture into the horror genre if he wanted to
*looks at the book*
“Wait, why does he look like a cat?”
Because he’s a cat.
“No, that’s not what he looks like. He’s supposed to be scary, and weird, and constantly out of breath.”
“And why is it all in rhyme?”
Because it’s Dr. Seuss; everything he does is in rhyme.
“No, he’s only supposed to rhyme once in awhile. And where’s all the subplots, and in-jokes, and advertisements, and forced morals and innuendos?”
*Gets out never-opened DVD case, which apparently we have*
This isn’t Dr. Seuss; It’s not even close! It’s evil, corporate pandering with freaky imagery.
Oh, the Places You’ll Go!
Yertle the Turtle
The Cat in the Hat Comes Back
You’re Only Old Once!
Fox in Socks
The King’s Stilts
I Can Lick 30 Tigers Today!
Oh, the Thinks You Can Think!
Great Day for Up!
And to Think That I Saw It on Mulberry Street
Horton Hatches the Egg
I Can Read With My Eyes Shut!
There’s a Wocket in My Pocket!
Oh Say Can You Say?
The Best Nest
Ten Apples Up on Top!
At some point this past Tuesday, two people were talking near me and they ended up on the topic of certain foods and whether or not they were good. I forget exactly what foods they were talking about, but in the end I blurted out, ‘I do not like green eggs and ham myself.’
Would you eat them with a box?
Would you eat them in a fox?
Would you like them
In a mouse?
Would you like them
With a house?
Hmm, where to reboot the conversation, where to reboot…
“Oh, another reboot? You know, even though they say third time’s the charm, it’s always the third that starts to go downhill.”
“Though it happens with the sequel, too. Or starting off the cinematic universe. I mean really, the most memorable part was sewing one guy’s mouth shut and deleting another’s mustache?”
“We’re fine. Or as close to fine as we usually are.”
The mouth-and-mustache part were references to X-Men Origins: Wolverine and Justice League
‘These are some of the colors we will use: Clockwork Orange, Doc Brown, Red Dit’
As for the scratching, sometimes I still feel tempted to but actually end up doing it only every once in a while and far less severely
If I start doing it absentmindedly usually I’m able to recognize what’s happening and stop
It seems that all my posts from within the last almost two years vanished. Have you seen this happen with other activities?
Maybe I’ve been taking it too seriously. Not every set of verses needs to make a statement. A poem could be a candle, paint splatters, sand, handwriting, curtains, coins or cracks in the ground
Is the candle slender and new, or melted wax that will vanish soon?
A steadfast companion by your side through the night or a sprite whose burns hurt like bites?
Is it small, giving heat and light or a devouring beast it takes a squadron to fight?
For the flame flickering on a candle could grow to be more than you alone can handle
For protection, one confines the flame and puts it out to prevent it from burnout or becoming too powerful. The wax selflessly gives itself away with no thanks in return. A thought that has been proven true is, “If you push someone too far, they will eventually push back.” The flame’s burn reflects this.
Sometimes, in a crisis there’s nothing you can do. You desperately try to solve it to keep away helplessness but your efforts aren’t enough. What good are tears? What good is the inability to fight it? What good is being forced to just wait and hope? The past is permanent, the present is a hurricane and the future is nebulous. Just because you can hope doesn’t mean your hurt dissipates. Taking your mind off of the situation means it will return in the sleeplessness of midnight or when your thoughts drift. It stalks the back of your mind and leaves your heart pounding, your breaths gasping and your body shaking.
While we look to the future, the past and present may still hurt. We have to acknowledge and work with them to build a future. Progress isn’t always linear- it has its ups and downs.
I tended to bottle up my hurt. Tension built inside before eventually boiling over in anger concealing worry and sadness. To avoid “throwing a tantrum,” I would try to restrain my anger even then which would express itself in tears and physical shaking.
Though talking with a nonjudgmental trusted adult helped get it off my chest, I still bottle up to a degree. Like my scratching compulsion, coping habits don’t just disappear.
You’re welcome. Until the next incident occurs, it isn’t easy to gauge how much I’m bottling. I hope you find the support you’ve needed as well
Why are you doing this? My poems are gone, I stopped reading the books and all of these posts are from years ago. I’ll delete my activity if I have to.