My Ranking Points
So here I am. Drafting a goodbye post. Well, hello there. I’m Poet or Poe, you may know me, you may not. I know you though. No matter who you are, I know you. I know you all. I’m a watcher, and I know you all, perhaps better than you know yourself. This is going to be a mess, but messes can be beautiful too. I’m going to disappear in a burst of light, and then I’ll be gone. I think that’s for the best.
“I didn’t expect this post to be like this, or at this time, or really even to exist at all.
I never expected any of this. Never expected that I would join this site. Never expected that it would become a family to me. Never expected that I would learn so much from you guys. But all that happened, all that and more.” – @Leilamofwoodsbeyond
A million things, words, but tears. I’m leaving because this is just too much right now. I think I’ll be back at some point… but for now, I’m going to stop. The masks have become too many. I have tried to lead this place, and I have failed. I have failed myself along with you all.
I want to say this now, as I go, for however long, NO ONE try to do what I tried. No one try to take that place that we’ve left behind. It will only hurt you. Please. I know the power is tempting, the limelight, the games, the words, the recognition, but please don’t. As someone wise once told me, “This is a book fandom.” Don’t let yourself fall prey to living only here, not in real life too. Don’t say you’ll have fun saving this site. It will hurt. Just live, laugh, love, however corny that sounds. Have fun. No one should lead ever again.
I would like to thank some friends before I leave, most of them gone.
Here is to my sisters. I’m not going to pretend anymore. I can’t.
@royalfudge. (Sisters of light, hands held tight, girls of the fight)
@kittbp2 (Shortie the cute puppy? I think?)
@thecoven4ever, somehow, I think you need to be here.
I don’t know. I don’t know. But you do.
You don’t know. You don’t know. But I do.
Wings broken, clipped, sobbing tears melded together with too many hearty laughs… this is us. The broken spy girls, the broken poets. The OCA peeps all deserve a cameo here, and you’re in the above, and mean so much to me. (@catsforlife, @pencilpeytie, @sportsgirl19) Thank you for being my mountain lions and my handkerchiefs, thank you.
I’ve watched some of you fly away, I have, and I’m so happy for that.
I feel like I should tell you why I’m leaving. It’s because of my masks, it’s my fault. I tried to be perfect here, if not in real life. I tried to be the perfect friend and not take up space, and I- I got tired when nobody seemed to see my pain. I got tired when my gaggle of geese was attacked time and time again. The site has a ways to go, and I’m tired of you lashing out. I’m tired of those of you who can’t stop hurting my friends. I’m going to say that, because I’m tired of not saying that. Some of you need to learn your place. I hardly have gotten angry on site in the past months, so if I’ve told you to back off, you must. I’m angry right now, I am. So I’m going to say this. Never bother my friends again. Never hurt them, and make sure you consider every word you speak before speaking it aloud, be this political or individual, you could be someone’s thirteenth reason. Including those of you who write that. NO ONE is above kindness. Remember that every word you speak has impact, and it has hurt so many people. I will not hold back next time you hurt anyone I love. I will not hold back ever again.
It’s not your fault, those of you who didn’t see me. My mask was perfect, and nobody but those of you who truly understand could see. I closed my eyes, and I couldn’t breathe. I’m walking on glass… I’m broken in a hundred ways that are invisible to your eyes. But I rise.
I’m sorry. I’m sorry for staying kind and passive when I should have screamed.
I’m sorry. For screaming and blabbing all about myself when you needed to speak.
I’m sorry for breaking.
I’m sorry for breaking YOU.
I wish I could do it all over… but I’m here, and I’m saying goodbye.
Masks will only hurt you, don’t let them slip on in the first place. Forget me, please. Forget the broken girl. I’m sorry I did not help more. I’m sorry I did not keep things together.
I have learned a few things in my time here. Don’t separate the ones who try to lead, don’t think of them as statues not people. Think of every word you speak before you speak it, because every word is seen. Don’t try and peacemake. Stick up for what you believe is right. Everyone else on this earth can s.uck it up. Try to just keep politics out of this place. Stop bashing other places without concrete articles. Stop being passive aggressive. Stop framing insults with fake kindness. Stop hurting me, pretending you aren’t and knowing you are. Never. Bother. My. Friends. Again. You know who you are. I promise, you do. Attack the argument not the person. Choose your friends wisely. Remember, please, with all my heart, please, this place is a gosh darn book fandom. Don’t lose yourself to it. Don’t forget to live.
Don’t tell me not to leave. This is MY decision, not yours. I’m still watching. I’m still on discord, hangouts, email [email protected] Some of you, I will block. It’s not personal. I just can’t right now. Some of you mean too much.
So this is me. This is me who stopped feeling months ago because your comments hurt. This is me who lied to every one of you about being fine, about being who you think I am. This is me who has almost gone from this earth. This is scarred, broken, and beautiful me.
My loves, fly away. Defy gravity, stand up for what is right, keep writing, keep crying, and don’t ever stop living. Be kind, and peace out.
My loves take your time.
I’ll see you on the other side.
Raise a glass to freedom….
She aims her pistol at the sky-
And then she was gone.
I love you so much, Poet. I’m crying rn. You’re amazing and I’ll never forget you. You mean so much to me. I hope things get better. I hope you see that you’re more than a broken girl, because you are. I love u so much and I can’t put it into words. Ilysm. Thank you for being there. Thank you for being you. Thank you. I’ll miss you. I don’t want to forget you. I never want to forget you, Poet, because without you, I wouldn’t be typing this. Thank you so freaking much. I will miss u. Ur amazing. I love you. I’m sorry that ur not okay. I wish the best for you. Thank you for being the best version of yourself to help me. I’ll never ever forget u. U changed my life. Thank u. So. Much. Aaaand I’m crying againnn . Thank u for everything. Ilysm. ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
Another friend who leaves.
Ah, I am too tired to weep nowadays- so here is a scene, just as I have written for Bee.
There was silence. In the same spot where a soulsister became the very separation of the sea and the sky, the same spot where three separated physically only to become the world together, connected in memories.
There was no one there but a scene of ethereal beauty. The ocean waves moved gently, as if welcoming Poet so gently, the clouds in the sky seemed to brighten and the horizon seemed to glow even more.
On the spot where the world seemed to end, the spot where the very last grain of sand was- where there was only endless waves and endless clouds left- that was where Poet would part. Like so many did- Poet- dispersed into the beauties of the ground, flowers.
Flowers, from the lightest shade the palest pink on the petal of a blossom flower to the darkest shade of roses there were. Beautiful things.
Poet would be remembered throughout the silence, throughout the songs. Poet’s memories left flowerpaths in their wake- a grand inspiration for all poets to come.
Another comer who has realised that there was truly no end. Just beginnings- and they were bright ones at that.
Oh my god, Poe *huggles* You’re making me cry. I know we weren’t that close but I valued our friendship so so much. I’m just glad you know how beautiful you are and how amazing you are because you truly are so kind and amazing and wondertastic. And yes, masks are so fricking hard and I hope you learn to break yours, and NEVER EVER and I mean NEVER think it is your fault! I’m so sorry U wasn’t able to see through your masks and I understand why you are taking this leave, and I hope life treats you so well because you deserve so many good things *tackle huggles* And yes you are right this is your decision and I respect how brave you are to space yourself away from this. ilysmm <3 <3
and never forget you are amahzing as yourself and you don’t need to change for anyone
I want to pour a truckfull of love hearts upon you.
I’m sorry that this happened. That you felt the need to try and be a leader, try to save the site all on your own, put on masks for everycreature else and pretend you were fine when you weren’t. I spent much of this year doing the same, I know how incredibly painful it is. I don’t blame you for leaving when it’s gotten to be too much. You’re right, no one person on this site can lead everycreature else, nocreature can take all of that pressure and responsibility. We need everycreature to be doing what they can.
I’ve blamed myself too for not being able to do more and for not trying sooner. I may be a hypocrite for saying this, but please don’t blame yourself and please don’t apologize when you were doing the best you could. It’s okay.
And don’t tell us to forget you. You’re a great friend, you’re a great person.
And I’m sorry.
Poet, I’ll miss you so much. I’m sorry that you’ve went through all of that and that I may have hurt you. I understand why you are leaving and you do mean a lot to me. I feel like I should have reached out more when you really needed us. You’re a kind and beautiful person, and you yourself are enough, you don’t have to change yourself for anyone. I hope you’ll find peace for the days to come and I will miss you. Love you, Poe<3
Thank you for being strong.
Thank you for leaving.
Thank you for being you.
Thank you for helping me.
Thank you for letting me help you.
Thank you for being my friend.
Thank you for talking to me.
Thank you for typing to me.
Thank you for finally showing me who you are.
I love you, Shira.
I’ll miss you.
Um… what has this website done to people? What the h.eck? I am sorry about all of this, Poet. But in general, like to everyone, what has this site done? Now I am genuinely concerned…
I would also like to thank-
@effie (for being a good first tagger XDXD, and an even better friend.)
Love you, Shira. Although I will never be your sister for obvious reasons, I hope I make a suitable sibling. You’ll touch the stars one day, I promise.
Hey, Poet. There’s a lot I could say… And a lot I could mean, but I think in the end, all I want to say is that I’ll miss you, and you’ll always have a piece in my heart. I’m glad you’re letting go and allowing yourself to heal, to mend. I’m sorry that it happened, that this site turned toxic, but I’m glad you got stronger, that you are trying to help yourself when no one else could. So Thanks, Poet. Thank you for helping, thank you for being, and I know you’ll be flying soon. Spread your wings. And know that your friends on this site love you, and we want you to mend.