My Ranking Points
*sits on the edge of the cliff, looking out at the sky*
I wonder if I can stay the entire year this time. I managed to do that last time, but now I don’t know.
A part of me wants to let go. A part of me wants to stay. A part of me wonders what’s the point in staying. A part of me wonders what’s the point in leaving. What’s the point of this site if people leave in the end?
People join, people become friends, people make memories, people leave. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
What am I doing here? Why do I want to stay? Why do I want to leave? I don’t know. Maybe if I just sit in a quiet room with no one around, maybe I can find the answers. Who knows.
So many regrets I have. So many people I didn’t get a chance to connect with, to be friends with. It makes me wonder what’s the point in doing it now if they leave in the end. Maybe it’s just better if I leave now to save myself the pain of losing friends.
There’s something I want to say. Something I have been wanting to say for a while now. But it’s not my place to say. All I can do is just hope that they will listen before it’s too late, but I can’t see them listening.
There’s so many friendships here. So many that if I try to become friends with them, I feel like I’m just trying to squeeze my way in and they don’t really want me there.
So along with that and the fear of losing friends, I guess that’s what stops me from trying. Because every time I do, they leave in the end.
When I joined the SGE Hangouts group chat and Discord, I thought I was fitting in. But now I don’t feel like that. There’s so many friend circles, so many inside jokes. I feel left out.
You know “Waving Through a Window” from Dear Evan Hansen? I feel like that sometimes. I have learned that in online communities, be careful of what you say. Be careful of what you reveal. Don’t make enemies. Don’t get into arguments.
There are times where I just wish that I had a best friend who has the same opinions on certain things. One I can talk to about things I hardly or never talk about to anyone. Things I just think by myself. I guess that’s why I imagine them. But it would be nice if they were real.
Well, that’s all I have to say for now. I suppose I shall just press “submit” and hope I don’t regret posting this.
I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I wish… I wish so many things for you. You deserve so much more. SO much more.
I’m not going to say that I’ll always be here for you, because that would be a lie, and you probably won’t be comforted all that much by it, so I’m going to say this: You will find that person someday. We all do. It is just something that I know and can’t explain. It may take years, but it will be worth it.
I wish all the best for you, if it means anything….
*I hand you some cheese cake.*
I just want to say leaving doesn’t mean the end of it. If you choose to stay I will always be here. It’s okay to let go because sometimes it’s better to let go. Remember that I left KoN before the whole Morrow thing happened? Because I left earlier I wasn’t able to watch all the drama that happened there. My point is it is totally okay to let go and if you ever feel like it, do it. You could be saving yourself from some drama beforehand. And you have irl life. You could connect with some people in your real life. If you want to make some irl friends join something. Talk with people. Connect.
I’m here for you. *Huggles*
*Sprinkle hugs you too.*