My Ranking Points
Chapter 77: Panting
The exploding bomb of a door crashed against the wall as Nina burst in the room.
“Let…me…talk…to…Paige…neccessary…” She panted as though she had just ran a marathon.
“ PAIGE!!!! ” I bellowed like a whale. Paige slid down the banister of the stairs.
“Nina! What do you want?” She snarled. I didn’t blame her. She betrayed us along with the rest of the Duplets and their Groupies.
“Flying squirrels, you know which ones, are coming to attack your kingdom.”
I had absolutely no clue what she was talking about, but Paige nodded vigorously. She griMaced and said, “Call Carl, Nick, Jackson, and Brittany.” Our old classmates, and the exterminators. THey would get rid of the Flying squirrels once and for all. I dialed the number and told them “We need you now.”
Jackson said, “We’ll come at once.”
“Nina, I’m going undercover with you. I’ll ditch the dress and dye my hair blue.” Paige says. I’m appalled.
“Let me go! You can’t leave! They’ll spot you!” I shout to her. Probably people from school can hear me now.
“I have to try. You don’t even know how it looks like.” Paige says. I can’t argue. It burns to give up the girl I love though.
“Let me go too. Or an exterminator.”
“Alright.” She sighs. At least she isn’t going in without backup. I hug her for what might be the last time.
“We will torture her again with this thing. We did it to her hand in fourth grade and we shall do it again.” Brooke said with the determination of Mickey Seven. (Fancy any Serenity, anyone?) I didn’t know that we were hurting her though. She volunteered, didn’t she? I brushed the thought aside. We would rule this town soon. And I would lead the new propaganda. We nodded together as we set off to do our duty. (Don’t be a Vanellope.)
Great chapter! I can tell you put lots of thought into this! It’s much MUCH better than your old things (no offense) I just want to say two things.
A) Propaganda is like when the government is lying to you, saying something is good when it is not. Like Uncle Sam, or Rosy the Riveter. For example, during World War I German citizens thought they were winning, because little war was fought on their soil, and since the government didn’t want their people to panic, they told them a bunch of **** that wasn’t true so they wouldn’t panic or anything. I don’t think you used the word correctly…
B) I realize you can’t do this in one chapter, but…
PAIGE IS STILL A MARY SUE.
Try giving her flaws. (and NO clumsiness does not count.)
Bella from Twilight is less of a Mary Sue than Paige, and BELIEVE ME. That’s saying something.
And, welcome back! Your notifications are all jacked up aren’t they.
Things are Developing, otaku. And I don’t know who Bella is.
Propaganda isn’t “the government lying to you, saying that something is good when it is not”. Propaganda is the release of information designed to sway people’s opinions and convince them to adhere to the ideals being expressed by the party releasing the propaganda. It isn’t lying exactly: it’s manipulation, an ideological state apparatus.
But I do agree with you on the matter that Paige needs more flaws.
Now that I think about it that way, @elysianne is right. Think of it as Rosie the Riveter (that woman with the WE CAN DO IT) or Uncle Sam. Like Manipulation. Ignore what I said about the propaganda.
Nevertheless, great chapter!
Bella is basically someone that has like…no flaws whatsoever. Well, she has two. Being clumsy, and lacking common sense.
I have an idea that could be good for you to make Paige less of a Mary Sue.
Make her emotionally unstable. Triggered by something to do with traumatic experiences, too much stress, or something similar. Due to her unstable state, she ‘accidentally’ does something that triggers someone. Preferably, our favorite Gary Sue, Nolan! Nolan gets mad and has a fight with her. Make the readers hate Paige WITH A PASSION. For example:
Someone dies. That person is close to Paige. Paige throws herself a pity party, virtually hurting everyone around her because she’s acting like a ****. Paige decides she wants to run away/quit something/etc. This gets Nolan mad. He acts impulsively, but does the right decision, and literally SLAPS SOME SENSE INTO HER AND CALLS HER AN IDIOT. This makes Paige mad, and they have a fight.
Hope this helped, and sorry if I’m sounding persnickety or stuck up or something. This chapter genuinely was great, and I enjoyed it.
But I love all the characters close to Paige! Thanks for the idea though, I really appreciate this. Can I use the example?
Awesome chapter!!!!! Finally… you really haven’t post for a while
I loved the chapter and hope you post more 🙂 😉 .
Keep up the great work!