My Ranking Points
once upon a story in the woods far far away on the violet line a prince named shan have arrived on the school for good he saw a girl whose her soul is very dark the girl is considered as a witch,an evergirl from nettle forest have arrived in school gates with royal blue colored dress,when the young witch saw her the witch curses her saying “curse your beauty and became ****”an the hex made that evergirl ****,noooooo that evergirl said,and the witch bursting out laughting and as prince shan seen what happened he feel the goosebumps and runs away and get to the hall of poratraits “hey”who are you am lenard prince of netherwood,and as prince shan also known as christian intruducing his name a girl crying running through them woah,said lenard,, the witch…the witch[screaming]that was the girl who was cursed by that evergirl near the bridge,prince shan added, what! a witch,prince lenard speaks.lets go then,prince christian asks,yeah,prince lenard answered,[running through the halls]……..hiss..hiss..hiss..hiss evergirl crying,excuse me who are you miss am prince shan also known as christian and here’s my friend prince lenard,prince shan says,am **** that girl curse me,the girl says .don’t worry miss maybe we can help you,prince shan says..okay am iyessa,please help me,an evergirl named iyessa says.maybe beautification classes will help you,am rosella or you can call me rose if you wanted..thanks rosella,iyessa says[hapilly but crying]well good job rosella,prince shan says [whispering]……while on the school for evil……its really good being bad,being ruthless,making mischief,and cool hahahahahahahahahaha[laughting very creepy] tktktk[someone knocking]who dares to disturbs mee[very angry]shoots a fireball on the door[even if she haven’t unlocked her finger glow]the door opens,hello i want to be your henchman am sam…hahahahahahaha the witch laughting.you want to be my henchman if you really want to be my henchman very badly are you sure you want to face my chalengges,the witch asks …um…n..n.n..ye..n..yes[thinking very afraid of what will happen]lets start now ahahahahahahahahahahahaha…ahahahahaha..hahahaha[making the most evil laught]as it happens that young witch killed sam….no one will knows what happened.hahahahahaha,i am so evilllllllll ahahahahahahahahahahahaha,the evi witch says..
hope you like it….
on the chapter 2 you all gonna know what was the witch name cause my characters are just few so i can’t name the witch
This chapter was great. But it was a little difficult for me to understand what was being said and what was happening in general. Like Flaw said, paragraphs will really help. And also, whenever a new person starts talking you start a new line. Here’s an example.
“Hey, who are you?”
“I am Lenard prince of Netherwood.” See how I started 2 different lines? It will help people to understand your dialogue a lot better 🙂 Now that we have that out of the way there’s one more thing, well two more things I guess. Punctuation and Grammar. I didn’t really say a lot of punctuation which is sort of what made it a little confusing for me (other than the dialogue) because it seemed like a big run-on sentence, which made it quite difficult to understand for me. So just add a couple more periods and commas and if you like long sentences add a semicolon 😉 Now don’t forget to capitalize your names and words that starts after a period. Other than those things you did an amazing job! If you need more characters I’ll see if I can help you out in that area. 🙂