My Ranking Points
The bathroom thing was not pleasant. And the worse part is, they are watching me. Always watching me. I was walking back and won of them poses as an Everboy I bumped into my first day here. That is apparently how they found me.
I was sitting in bed and looked at the window. There is a camera. Wow. They really are watching.
I start wondering, why does this have to happen to me? Me. Not anyone else. I sat there and pondered for a few seconds and then the answer came to me: I have a secret, a secret so big that if anyone knew it I would never be trusted again.
A tear rolls down my cheek. I lay down on my bed and start crying. I cannot hold my pain and fear in me any longer.
About five minutes later I fall asleep. My dream was not happy. Not at all…
I was in the doom room, with the wolf. But the wolf was not a wolf at all. It was the main pirate. I noticed a chain on my hand then. I tugged on it and saw that the pirate was holding the other end. I was his prisoner. I look to my left and see Lola ******* in a corner. I looked to my right and saw a man screaming at the stop of his lungs. He was also trying to reach in. Oh. This is apparently Lola’s father.
Then my chained hand starts get pulled over to some kind of furnace or something. I struggle to stay where I am but get pulled there anyway. I notice something in the pirates hand: a brander. What are they doing with a brander thing people use to show it is their cow? Then my dream self realizes what is going on. I start trying trying to pull away but I cannot.
“This wasn’t part of the deal!” My dream self screams.
Dream pirate looks at me, “I know. But the boys and I want to keep you. We need a few more things done for us.”
Then he grabs my arm and I wake up. My heart is racing and my arm feels hot, really hot. I look at it but my arm is fine. There is nothing on it, no marks, no nothing. What have I gotten myself into?
“Hey, you okay?” Someone asks. I jump, but luckily it is only Peter.
Good job! I’d just like to remind you to check for tense changes in your writing. Also, a question. How dark are y’all willing to make this? I have some ideas, but they could potentially be too grave.
Well what are your ideas? I’m willing to have someone die, but I don’t really want it to be Lola or her dad. I am dedinitely POVing right away. Probably gonna post in a couple hours, but I won’t include deaths yet.