Well… you probably remember that I said I will post jokes more often last time?
Does anyone actually remember when was the last time? *Sighs*
Sooo… After a looong time I’m back with some new jokes!😃😃
Tedros: Two facts interesting facts about me. 1) I once knocked out a champion boxer with a single punch. 2) I’m now banned from Crufts.
A fact of life:
After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says W.TF
HAHAHAHHAHAHA YES I REMEMBER AND THIS IS AWESOME MELODY!!!!!!!!!
Hort: Fun fact! Did you know that a shoal of piranhas can devour a small child in 30 seconds? Anyway, I lost my job at the aquarium today :/
Tedros: In fact, religious persons are not much different from atheists…
There are 4,000 religions in the world. A religious person believes that 3,999 religions are wrong. An atheist believes that 4,000 religions are wrong.
Hort: Little known fact-
Captain Hook bought his hook from a second hand store.
What would you call a reality show where Sirius Black adopted the Weasley children?
“Orange is the new Black…”
What is the difference between Russia and reality?
Trump had connections with Russia.
CALLER: Is this Gordon’s Pizza?
GOOGLE: No sir, it’s Google Pizza.
CALLER: I must have dialed a wrong number. Sorry.
GOOGLE: No sir, Google bought Gordon’s Pizza last month.
CALLER: OK. I would like to order a pizza.
GOOGLE: Do you want your usual, sir?
CALLER: My usual? You know me?
GOOGLE: According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.
CALLER: OK! That’s what I want …
GOOGLE: May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust?
CALLER: What? I detest vegetable!
GOOGLE: Your cholesterol is not good, sir.
CALLER: How the **** do you know!
GOOGLE: Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.
CALLER: Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetable pizza! I already take medication for my cholesterol.
GOOGLE: Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you purchased only a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once, at Drug RX Network, 4 months ago.
CALLER: I bought more from another drugstore.
GOOGLE: That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.
CALLER: I paid in cash.
GOOGLE: But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.
CALLER: I have other sources of cash.
GOOGLE: That doesn’t show on your last tax return unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law.
CALLER: WHAT THE ****!
GOOGLE: I’m sorry, sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.
CALLER: Enough already! I’m sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, Whats App and all the others. I’m going to an island without internet, cable TV, where there is no cell phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me.
GOOGLE: I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago…
How do you offend a photon?
You tell it that it doesn’t matter.
Sophie: I apologize for offending you when I called you stupid.
Tedros: No pr-
Sophie *interrupts* : I thought you already knew.
Artemis Fowl *obviously confused*: I told Holly to get Lost, and she seemed quite offended. But I thought it was a pretty good series.
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA THESE ARE ALL AMAZING YOU MADE ME SMILE I NEEDED THIS TODAY
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